Running your way out of problems.

I have been receiving many sarcastic comments about my weight for the past few years. I don't think it was ever an issue because my weight fluctuates like crazy. But being 5' 6" (in this country I am considered tall) my weight according to the normal Body Mass Index (BMI) range should be around 65kg plus minus 5kgs. I have always been lean - not skinny. So putting on extra few kilos here and there, people can notice it easily. Not many of them are nice kinda people.

But being busy with work and stuff, I hardly had any time to spare for exercising. Or maybe I was just trying to find an excuse for being lazy. Either way, I wasn't getting my dose of exercise for years.

Few months ago, I started running. Owh..only God knew how painful the experience was. I only managed to run for 5 mins on the treadmill. It was so embarrassing because it made me realise that I wasn't as fit as I think I was. I overestimated myself and I felt so low. It felt heavy. I felt heavy.

From there on, I vowed to not give up. I went to the gym again the next day and hopped on the treadmill and tried running again. I forced myself to not stop running until I reach the 1 km mark. It was such a struggle, I ended up with sore muscles for days.

But the one thing I got from it was the satisfaction of reaching a goal. I wanted to run for 1km and I did. It brought a whole new spectrum of realisations.. on the way I think, the way I feel, the way I look at myself and the way I look at others.

Yeap, believe it. I got it all from running.

Every day I will try to outrun myself. From 1km, I push myself just a little bit more until I have reached a point where 3km is a breeze, 5km is how it should be and 10km is an achievement. Every day is still a struggle, but a struggle that I am willing to endure. I have yet to get that "high" all the avid runners are talking about, but since am not really aiming to run a marathon, so I will keep on running at my comfortable pace for now.

Running helps me to stay focus. What else can you do when you are running? You are on your own. Once I have my mp3 player on, I practically zone out everything else. Without pushing yourself, running alone will bore the hell out of you. Run, but with a goal in mind.

I run when am happy, and I go for a long run when I am feeling down.

I no longer depends on medication to treat my stress level. The feeling and satisfaction I get after a good long run beats any sort of medication. You should try it too. Try it slow, and never give up. Because like they say, it takes two weeks for you to notice the changes, 4 weeks for others.

So don't stop.

The year that was 2011.

The idea of updating a blog is considered passe. Everyone is now either spending more time on Facebook (of which I thought should have already run its course, but apparently not) or Twitter. I am guilty of that too. I joined the Twitter bandwagon some where in June last year (so now you know why I have totally lost touch with this blogging thing), and expressing yourself in 140 characters seems.. well..simpler.

But at the same time, I also blame both platforms because good blogs are hard to find nowadays and are not updated as frequently as I would want them to. That, people, is the hypocrite in me talking.

I hopped on to this site just now because suddenly, I was reminded of my own blog. Gosh how I have totally forgotten about the fact that I used to love blogging about stupid inane stuff. Stuff that I actually appreciate and would want to keep as memories; ok ok most of the time, I was just rambling myself to the end..but the point is; yes I suddenly have this urge to rekindle my relationship with my blog.

There were so many things happening, and am fast becoming forgetful. I can't even, sometimes, remember what I had for breakfast just a few hours after gorging on it. Don't ask me about what I did for the past few months. If I have lied my way out of anything, I might just lie again to cover the lies I once told.

2011 was hard, financially and it was emotionally draining. I worked extra hard last year, and now that I have been promoted, I swear that I would not stay late for work again. LOL.

Nah, I wish. I love my job. Not many can say that, and I consider myself lucky because I stick long enough to finally come to realisation that I actually love my job.

2011 was also the year that many lost friendships were found again. Some was just too awkward, most were just too awesome to let go (again).

2011 was also the year where I got to spend more time with my niece, and family again. Trip back home were more often that years before and I plan to keep on going back to my parents place as many time as possible.

2011 was also the year that I realise that, in this ONE life, sometimes you just have to take it easy. Why worry about things that is out of your circle of concern or control. Roll with the punches, and don't forget to take your hommies with you.

Goodbye 2011, and although I am 3 months late of wishing you a good riddance, and I'm glad that you were there, but honestly, I would never want to repeat the journey again with you.

School Reunion.

This morning I received an invitation to a school reunion on my Facebook.

Owh how I cringed.

Why, you ask?

I'm not the type that will agree to social around with a bunch of people am not comfortable with, worst, with those whom I have had issues with; now or then. I will not be able to adjust myself to a crowd of people I haven't met for years.

I know that whatever that had happened in the past should not be the reason that dictates the way I think of them now. I don't particularly care about any of them at all. It is just, I don't really need more friends at this point of time.

Sounds smug isn't it? But that's the truth. You will come to a point where, you no longer need a large number of friends in your life. I treasure quality more than quantity.

Let me tell you about my high school experience. I mingled with the same crowd ; those I liked and hated; since primary school. It was only natural that we progressed from Primary Convent to Secondary Convent, because both schools were located within the same compound.

-____-

Boring.

I befriended and de-friend-ed the same crowd for almost 10 years of my life. Out of hundreds, I stayed friends with only 5 of them. These are the girls I knew since I was in standard 1. We don't actually keep in touch or see each other as much, but deep down we have a common understanding that if we miss each other or long for company, we are just a phone call away.

In my book.. that is friendship.

Ok. Let's get back to this reunion thing.

We all know that Facebook is the culprit that brought all these unnecessary reinforcements in our life and causing inevitable consequences. It is hard to stay positively cheerful when people you don't fancy poke you and expect a poke in return. I had received a friend request with a message, "You still single? How come? Can't be!!". or "Eh fat now ah?". This message was coming from someone I hardly know and probably met for a few minutes 20 years ago. Of course I was skinny back then, I didn't even have boobs yet. pfth!

So with all these bad rapports that I had been receiving on Facebook, countless numbers of pokes and re-re-requesting friend notifications from acquaintances ( some I really can't recall), do you aspect me to attend a school reunion? Haha. I don't think so.

I know some of them were really genuine in getting back on the friendship wagon, but you must admit that there are a few quarters that would love only to catch up on all the goss and make stupid comparison on life's achievements.

I never practice this and I will certainly not let anyone practice it on me.

Unfortunately, in this close-minded circle/society, our achievement in life is based on how many children you have managed to plop out. Since I have yet to plop one out, I better not give them anything to talk about or making jokes like "Owh your standard is just too high, men are afraid of you" crap straight to my face. Not that they haven't started gossiping about me already eh?

If I want to stay in contact or catch up with them, they should have already received a private message from me by now.

Photos I love I

Under the Mirabeau Bridge.

Mirabeau Bridge by Guillaume Apollinaire

Under Mirabeau Bridge runs the Seine
And our loves
Must I remember them
Joy came always after pain
Let arriving night explain
Days fade I remain
Arm in arm let us stay face to face
While below
The bridge at our hands passes
With eternal regards the wave so slow
Let arriving night explain
Days fade I remain
Love goes like this water flows
Love goes Like life is slow
And like hope is violent
Let arriving night explain
Days fade I remain
The days passed and the weeks spent
Not times past Nor loves sent return again
Under Mirabeau bridge runs the Seine 

Translated by William A. Sigler

***

I braved the cold and breezy autumn weather of Paris and walked several miles in search of this beautiful green bridge; just so I could take this picture and email it to him with the caption

- I found the bridge mentioned in that poem you once gave and read to me. -

Love,
Lina.

***