Spontaneity

I was hunting clouds.

What was supposed to be a surprise birthday bash planned for me was canceled at a very last minute due to someone's excitement for knowing that this coming weekend is his semester break.

"Jom! Let's get out of KL!"

"Huh? You are crazy!"

He had totally forgotten about the plan he made with my darling girlfriends about my surprise birthday party. But since this is the only window of opportunity that we have to spend time together, my girlfriends let him go (with warnings of course!) and reschedule the not-so-surprise-anymore party to a more feasible time. Thanks girls, I love you guys! Thanks for being so understanding.

..sebenarnya takut bf kene kutuk ...hahahaha

So yeah, am taking a leave tomorrow because someone decided to give me an early birthday treat (as if! am sure he has something in store for him too :P), and am off to some place nice and relaxing to chill for the weekend.

Back to the 'old faithful' where it all started. ;)

The old faithful.

Stuffs.

picture taken with EOS 350D, Location: Cameron Highland, Pahang

When I first started this blog, initially I wanted to make it some sort of a gallery for me to share my collection of photographs. The idea was stunted by the fact that after doing so much of scrutinizing, I don't think any of these pictures can be considered good enough for public view.

Takmaulah orang cakap orang nak amik gambar dia pun sibuk nak amik gambar. Tapi nan ado katanya... (haha tetiba bahasa fefonen..jgn marah)

But lately I have been getting good reviews from my flickr page and emails saying that I should give a photography a serious try. Some of them were really impressed with my "good eyes".

(matilah sebenarnya rabun ayam tapi tada siapa tahu? :P Gambar amik tada angle, sekali jer snap sesuka hati.)

Those supports and admirations somewhat injected me with a bit of confidence, and force me to think, maybe I can do this. *berangan tahap dewa*

So here I am. Back to the initial plan. I'll start to publish one or two pictures per entry, although it is not related with the entry of the day. Ok?

macamlah ada ramai sangat orang yang baca blog ni.

Taken with Nokia D60, Location : Batu Caves, Selangor

*
I now pronounce my brother a divorcee. They have officially separated on the 6th of Aug. Adik(Nasri) and him planned to have a joint celebration (Adik's birthday was on the 5th Aug) to commemorate his new found freedom.

Since after the separation, he has been taking Baby (his daughter) to my place every weekend, so that they could spend time together. I love having both of them around.

Meriah skit rumah.

So on Saturday, I'd be spending quality time with my niece while Mr.Snots can go and attend his classes. It's a win-win situation.

My fave niece. ..Baby and her cat, Kucing. *rolls eyes*
Shot was taken by point and shoot SONY DCS T5 , Location : Old Apt.

All of my nieces and nephews called me Uchu, being the youngest in the family. But Baby can never say it correctly. Most of the time she'd be calling me Achu. Close enough. But there's this one time she called me Tochu :O

Sib baik bukan tauchu. hehehe.

Her fave sentence is "Ini Baby punya". Once she blurts that thing out, don't even think of taking that stuff away from her. Even my new TV now belongs to her.

kalau tiga hari dia duduk rumah, tiga-tiga harilah kita orang semua tengok reruns of Lion King, Barney, Teletubbies and Dora. o_O

Loved and Overwhelmed.

Disclaimer.
This entry is so keji. You might want to puke or feel like killing yourself after reading this post, so consider yourself warned. Proceed with a plastic bag in hand if you will. You can choose to barf in it, or strangle yourself with it.

Pic was taken by Canon EOS 350d, location: Cameron Highland, Pahang

It has been two months since we first said iloveyou to each other, and I have officially shed tears for 16 times and counting; I am pretty sure there's a lot more coming my way looking at the rate of it. Tears of joy and love, most of the time; and tears of anger, for the rest of it. Anger triggered by my past, jealousy, miscommunication; you name it, most likely we have gone through it. We are still in the stage of getting to know and adapting towards each other, so we are certainly bound to make mistakes, lots and lots of it.

When I'm my normal erratic self (and this happens not just during the time of the month!!) ; I get pissed off, annoyed and feeling all sensitive easily. Thank god for the past two months, he has been coping with it quite well if I may say so. I can be so hardheaded at times, I am sure he sometimes do feel like pulling his hair when we are in that situation. But being cool and macho, most of the time, he would just kept quiet.

It is always so hard (no pun intended :P) between us, because although we share the same passion in life (read: gigantic power transmission towers perched all over the country, MatLab coding, boring engineering stuff, photography) we are totally on the extreme opposite side when it comes to everything else.

Firstly, he is more "Malay" than I could ever be. Even if I am the "Malay" one in this relationship, and he is not. He loves his ulam, like how i love my coffee. He knows every name of the ulams, rebung, pokok-pokok, like how the cows know its grass and grains. :P

He cooks, and I eat.

When we argue, I would like to talk things out, come clean and sort it out there and then, but he would prefer to be left alone. Just let him be for few hours, and then feed him. He'd be okay after that. (and that was his exact sentence mind you).

While I am more of the organized type, he is more hippie in a way. Everything with him is quite spontaneous.

While I do think more and need time to rethink the situation again and again and again..he acts on it.

He is the morning, early bird type and I'm just too lazy to wake up way too early regardless of whether it is my working day or not.

We do complement each other if you wish to see it in a different angle, but knowing me, am sure am going to make it hard for this relationship to work. I don't adapt and change my anally-retentive-strict-for-no-reason self that well. Here in this post, am giving my assurance that I am learning as I move along with him.

Certainly, there are moments that I would treasure my whole life, and keep on using it as an excuse/reason for me to work things out and go forward with him, no matter how difficult the situation might be.

There's this one time, it happened somewhere in June, when he was helping me out moving stuff from the old house to the new one. After chucking all the stuff in, we sat in the empty living room taking a breather... he reached for the guitar and started singing one song after another.

(He has this tendency of bursting into songs, using the words we use in our daily conversation as cues *looks at Leen* *Aries!!, rolls eyes*)

Then he sang me this one particular song from the Everly Brothers called Let it be me.

(i know, he is such an old soul trapped in a not so young body. He is ancient when it comes to his choice of music)

He sang it with such passion and feelings, both of us were totally overwhelmed by it. I was looking deep into his eyes, and he was looking into mine..digesting and absorbing every single words coming out from his mouth. Suddenly both of us cried, and we couldn't stop. It was such a freaking waterworks display.

That song touched us like nothing else can. We were totally absorbed into the moment and lost in oblivion. I never really cry for something so sappy and romantic, so I put the blame on the gloomy weather and the emptiness of the apartment area.

We were laughing and crying and alternate between the two like a bunch of hyenas. It was so embarrassing. *malu*

For the past 6 years that I have known him, I never once see this side of him. I don't know whether this kind of things happen to you guys out there often, but not to me.

I realized at that point of time, I want him in my life and for the first time, I feel that I've made the best decision to be in a relationship with him.

My early birthday present.

Sms sent @ 08/07/2008 to Along.

"Happy birthday old man. Hope ur life is blessed with good health, wealth and love from your loved ones. Especially me"

Reply received @ 08/07/2007 from Along.

"Belum lagilah"

Oh shit yeah, I wished him 2 days earlier than his actual birth date.Nak cover malu I sent him another sms.

"What did you get for yourself this year?"

"Merc E240. Am kaya what"

*scratches head*

Why did he needs to get another car for his birthday, he already has 4 of them.

"Why Merc?"

"Why not? Come next week you can test drive it"

At this point am sure he's going to brag about him being able to buy anything he wants in this world and harassing me about being poor. So I quickly sent this.

"Yeay!! Ok."

And I saw a window of opportunity to "politely" ask him to buy me my "expensive birthday gift". My birthday is next month anyway.

"I want gelang kaki for my birthday can? I want exactly like the bracelet u got me from Tiffany NY"

Few minutes later.

"Ask your bf to buy it for you lah"

"Kenot, nanti he runs away; Still very early to ask for anything"

He didn't reply. Either he was too busy with work, or just simply too lazy to entertain my antics.

*

Conversation on 12/07/2008

Few days later, when I was with Leen.

"Why didn't I ask Along to buy me the camera ek? Why would I want a gelang kaki anyway?"

I immediately smsed him, there and then.

"Dowan gelang kaki lah, I want camera Nikon D60. Pretty pleaseeeeeeee."

Tunggu punya tunggu punya tunggu, member didn't reply my sms.

"Kenapa dia tak balas ek sms aku?" I asked Leen "Usually kalau dia tak balas kan, cam few days later nanti dia call and ask me to amik at his place"

*mencebik*

*

Three days has passed, and he didn't even reply my sms yet.

On the fourth day, he called me at the office.

"What is Nikon D60?"

"It's a camera"

"How much is it?"

"Last I checked it was priced at 2,399"

"What the fuck!!! Blardy expensive"

*chuckles*

"Can buy me ah? You got yourself a Merc. I can't afford to buy it lah Along.. Pleaseeeeee."

"We see lah how"


*

Last Friday...

"Come and meet me in Park Royal tomorrow. I'm staying there for the weekend"

"Why are you staying there? Your house is in Subang!!!!!"

"Simply. To lepak-lepak and relax"

"Huh? Tak kisahlah. Kenapa you want me to datang there?"

"So you can take your camera"

"Ah??? Serious????? U bought it already?"

"Not yet, am going to get it tomorrow."

"Yeayy!! Thanks Along...Sayang Along!!!"

"Come by after 4, I see you at the restaurant. We go for hi-tea"

"Okay"


*

On Saturday.

*

P/S: I love my Along.

P/P/S: Next request : Toyota Rush .... hahahahhaha right...!!!!

Unplanned

Someone said this to me recently,

"I can easily see that there was something different about the way he talks to you, every time. Even a blind person could easily feels and detects the vibe. But I guess, you refuse to see it all and treat him nothing more than as a friend."

It is painfully stupid to admit, but I have to say that it's true.

I don't fall in love that easily, hence the 14 years of courtship although it ended rather disastrously.

I'm not trying to be a smug bitch too when I say that, I have my fair share of men, thinking that they are in love with me, or I am the one, after a brief 10 minutes of dancing. It is really tiring to convince them that I am not.

For me, a man with crush is like a dog with a boner. Give them something else to play with, he'd get off from humping your leg. All they ever needed was some sort of a distraction, then am out of the picture. Easy peasy.

But when that crush lasts for more than 5 years, I guess, that is something really worthy of my time, to actually sit and contemplate on it.

In a way, I know I have hurt him so much without realizing it. I was not aware of his feelings, and couldn't care less to actually think before I speak, or do anything a friend would do, like calling him Bongek, Bongok, and says Keji to his face like all the time. At that point, although he was one of my close friends, but he was still just a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

But I see him differently now. I could see and have finally realized that ...

He was always there for me for the past years. He was wiling to hear me whine, complaint and entertain my mood swings with a wide annoying smirk on his face. He was always trying to make me laugh every time I was sad. He admitted that he would do almost anything so that he could see me, and that kind of explain the short 30 mins course on stupid programming I was helping him with.

He said he tried to forget about his crush for me, but it was so difficult. He has been in and out of relationship so many times,but the only thing that he could think about was me.

I was flattered, but at the same time I was scared. I don't think I'm ready to do this once again.

He's trying to convince me that he would willing to give me all the time that I need; to move on, to regroup; as long as I would wiling to consider giving him a chance to make me happy. Just once. He had waited for me for 5 years, and he doesn't mind doing it for another 5.

*sigh*

This love thing works it ways mysteriously.