Think: We are the less fortunate ones, but we will support each other no matter what.

Photo: My dad's cat.

I called my mom yesterday's evening to wish her a blessed fasting month of Ramadhan. When she answered my call she sounded normal; well normal like how a mother would be, soft spoken but a bit irritated because she probably had to slowly waddle or stretched/pushed herself to get to her phone.

I asked her my routine sickeningly structured series of questions that came in a predictable sequence ; consisting of health - how is she feeling , wealth - did she strike any number today, about love - is she still annoyed with my dad's constant whining and last but not least her favourite activity - what's special on the menu today.

It was a normal mother-daughter day to day phone conversation, until she said, "wait" and then she was talking to someone at the back, "it's ok, it's ok, don't cry anymore."

At that moment I knew something was wrong.

When she finally turned back to me to resume our daily exchange of self-loathing and boring bits of our lives, I asked her who was it that she was referring to. She explained that all the while I was talking to her, my auntie was crying at the back and immediately her voice turned sombre.

My auntie (Auntie Lah) is one of the closest to me. We grew up together because, age-wise, we are not that far apart. It was heartbreaking for me to have listened to her soft cries.

My mom continued telling me that she discovered that her boyfriend of 5 years, has been married for 9 years. You can't imagine my disbelief and how shocked I was when I heard that bit of a news because it just doesn't make any sense at all.

Let me explain.

We've known him through a family friend who introduced him to my newly divorced Auntie at that time, 5 years ago. We've met his family, nieces, nephews and he came around to our family's house mostly every week, but all this while it was never brought to our attention that he is actually a married man. Not from OUR family's friend, not from HIS family. It is just totally dumbfounding. It is like a conspiracy theory. So, to found out that he's married AFTER 5 YEARS of being in a serious relationship with my Auntie, is a complete electric-kaboom-shock!!. Things just don't add up even when I tried very hard to gel them together.

It is out in the open now and it is better late than never. There's nothing much that we can do about what had happened and it is just a waste of time to lament about it over and over and over again.

I told my Mom to just let her cry until she can't cry no more -until she wears herself out, until she no longer has a voice and has completely drain all her energy out. Just like the last time when she was dumped by her then husband because he was having an affair with a younger woman. I know, just like the rest of us, she is strong and she will rise again from this tragic fall. She will emerge stronger than ever.

But for her to do that, she has to endure this painful phase. She has to go through this on her own and we must make known to her that she has our love and support no matter what. My mom was angry albeit sad by this whole episode. She's the biggest supporter of my auntie's relationship and knowing my mom, am sure she felt a bit responsible towards what had transpired.

I SMSed my auntie before I went to sleep last night.

"No matter what happen, you know you'll have us until the end of time. We love you, and you should love yourself too. Call me when you are done with the crying bit."

She was there for me during my meltdown from my previous relationship and I was there for her after her devastating divorce, and we will continue to be there for each other even though it seems that this cycle of tragic relationship ceases to end for all the women in my family.

Left: My mom's. Right: My dad's.
(How do we differentiate the two? My mom's cat is a cam-whore and my dad's cat is very shy. He never really looks directly at the camera)

Work from Home(town).

I love this picture. It was taken by a friend of mine, candidly. Didn't notice the love symbol carved on the wooden door before the photo was captured. It turned out great though. I was sitting because was too tired from too much of walking LOL.

I'm planning to go back to my hometown this weekend. Since it has been a long time since I last went back, I applied for another 3 days of leave next week so that I can extend my stay a bit longer. I will be packing my work stuff with me because although the idea of spending time with my parents and aunties, doing nothing ;except for endless talking and eating; is my top priority, but *sigh* work is work and deadline is just a bitch. I'm still struggling to finish reading all the SIRIM standards to come up with a report. That book is like a sleeping pill, every time I open it, I fell asleep.

So my mom asked me yesterday, is Mr.Snots tagging along this time around? Much to her dismay, I said no. I know that she's probably wondering why on earth that, I've been with this dude for 2 years but everyone in the family (except for my brother who is living with me) only met him once. I don't know how to explain this to everyone. The situation is a bit different with this one because every time we make an arrangement to go back home to meet the parents, that usually means that we meet our OWN parents at our OWN hometown, separately.LOL.

I always believe in this perception about doing things (certain things pertaining family) separately. If you are involved in a committed relatioship; married or unmarried; you can and should be able to still spend time with your family without your other half. There's no such thing as - if I go back to my parents' you must come as well or else - kinda arrangement. You don't have to follow me every where I go.

Also, the problem about being single for too long is, you have somewhat developed these routine "activities" that you do together with your family every time you (in this case, it is totally me) go back home. Like I would want to take my mom and auntie out shopping, and take her anywhere she wants to go. I also think that they would be more comfortable talking to me about "family" issues alone, without my bf nearby. But of course, there's always time allocated for family, time for relationship and most importantly for both, probably at the same time , next time.LOL. Just need to make a bit of arrangement every now and then, so that everything is well balanced and everyone is happy.

Kalau sesiapa yang pernah jumpa Ayah, memang tak akan boleh mengagak yang Ayah aku pernah melecur separuh badan akibat dari terkena kejutan elektrik. Aku adalah generasi ketiga dalam keluarga yang bekerja dengan Syarikat Elektrik Che Khalib. Nasib aku baik kerana ayah memberikan peluang pendidikan yang cukup, jadik kelayakan aku membolehkan aku bekerja dengan pangkat yang sedikit lebih tinggi darinya; hanya duduk mengangkang depan komputer tapi bergelar jurutera. o_O

Berbalik kepada kisah Ayah.

Ayah mula berkerja seawal umur 18 tahun. Cita-cita asal mahu menjadi tentera laut. Tapi ditentang hebat oleh Arwah Atuk kerana tentera laut bekerja berdasarkan kontrak. Jadi, masa depan tidak terlalu terjamin. Arwah atuk yang ketika itu bekerja dengan Syarikat Elektrik Che Khalib, terdahulu dikenali sebagai CEB, membawa masuk Ayah bekerja sebagai buruh. Ketika itu CEB mengalakkan pekerjanya membawa masuk ahli keluarga untuk bekerja. Jadi, hampir keseluruhan adik-beradik Ayah aku bekerja dengan CEB.

Jawatan pertama yang dipegang oleh Ayah adalah merupakan jawatan Buruh Kasar. Mengangkat tiang-tiang elektrik setinggi 15-20 kaki and membanting tulang menanamnya sekitar daerah Muar. Gaji permulaan hanyalah sebanyak RM90. Ketika Along lahir, gaji ayah hanyalah RM110. Dan pada ketika itu, dia bukan hanya menampung Along dan Mak, tetapi juga Amie, dan adik bongsunya. Ayah juga membawa arwah atuk dan nenek tinggal bersama di kuarters CEB yang menjadi tempat kami membesar.

Selama beberapa tahun bekerja sebagai buruh, Ayah dipindahkan pula ke unit substesyen untuk kerja-kerja senggaraan.

Kejadian berlaku ketika Ayah membuat kerja-kerja senggaraan di low voltage distribution board. Cutout dicabut tanpa mematikan bekalan dan menyebabkan percikan dan letupan berlaku.

Bahagian badan termasuk tangan dan kaki, abis disambar api. Ayah bernasib baik sebab auto-refleks bertindak pantas dia sempat memaling muka ke arah yang selamat. Ayah dibawa ke hospital untuk dirawat dan syukur, kerana tiada sebarang kecederaan dalaman.

Ayah tidak bekerja hampir 6 bulan. Aku masih ingat Mak bercerita, katanya, "6 bulan Mak mandikan Ayah, cebukkan dia, suapkan makan. Sikit pun aku tak merungut. Ni nak suruh pergi kedai sekejap pun malas. Ayah kau ni memang!"

Okay mungkin ketika itu Mak aku bukan bercerita, tapi merungut. :)

Tapi apa yang Ayah buat segala luka dan kesan akibat dari kejutan elektrik dan kebakaran di badan Ayah hilang?

Disebabkan pekerjaan Ayah memerlukannya berada di merata kawasan sehingga ke pendalaman, Ayah pernah berjumpa dengan orang Asli yang mengajarnya untuk mengunakan buih yang keluar dari kayu yang terbakar untuk mengubat parut-parut dan pelbagai penyakit kulit. Dari petua itulah, hari-hari Mak dan Ayah akan bakar "kayu bakar" untuk ambil buih yang terbentuk, dan Ayah akan sapukannya pada parut dan bekas-bekas terbakar pada kulitnya tanpa jemu.

Sehingga kesemua parut tersebut hilang.

Aku hanya tahu cerita ini ketika umur aku lebih kurang 15 tahun. Masa tu, aku memang terperanjat sebab tak sangka Ayah aku pernah berdepan dengan maut.

Tiga pengajaran yang aku peroleh dari cerita ini:

i) Mak memang orang yang penyabar. Aku tak dapat bayangkan macam mana tindakan aku kalau aku dalam situasi yang sama.

ii) Ayah aku dari dulu memang pemalas sebab banyak kali aku dengar Mak aku merungut benda yang sama sampai sudah.

iii) Mana aku nak cari kayu bakar untuk aku hilangkan bekas-bekas jerawat ni?

Cinta dulu-dulu.

Masa kat rumah Mak arituh, aku ada tanya dengan Auntie Lah, macam mana Ayah mengurat Mak ek?

Auntie Lah adik bongsu Mak. So kiranya sure Mak jadikan dia umpan untuk tipu Atuk aku kalau nak pergi dating. Sama macam Auntie Lah selalu gunakan aku masa dia bercinta dulu. Aku selalu ikut dia dengan ex-husband dia dulu pergi bercinta sebab Atuk tak kasik dia keluar berdua-duaan.

So aku tanya Auntie Lah, caner Ayah mengurat Mak.

Auntie Lah pun mulalah bercerita.

"Dulu masa mak muda-muda, dia suka tengok wayang yang 'open air' kat Club House kat belakang dewan Jubli Intan tuh."

Aku mengangguk. "Abis tuh?"

"Mak selalu lah pergi sana tengok cerita hindustan malam-malam dengan kengkawan dia. So masa kat sana, Ayah ngurat Mak lah" sambungnya lagi.

"Yelah, ngurat camana?" Aku bertanya.

"Ayah baling kacang kat Mak dari belakang"

Masa aku dengar baling kacang tuh aku dah tergelak besar. Tapi masih boleh control lagi.

"Abis tuh?"

"Mak marah. Mak tak suka. Tapi kawan Mak yang syok kat Ayah pulak"

..dia sambung lagi....

"Masa tuh Ayah hensem. Tapi Mak tak suka sebab dia mengurat cam budak kecik."

(Now I know from where I inherited that trait from)

"Dah tuh, camna lak tetiba Mak boleh suka kat Ayah?" aku tanya lagi.

"Sebab Ayah tak berenti-renti mengurat. Last-last Mak bosan, terima jerlah"

Masa nih aku dah gelak berguling atas lantai (literally sebab masa tengah bercerita kita orang tengah baring melepak depan tv).

"Wah, sakan betul Ayah. Tak sangka."

"Memang saiko apak kau tuh! Sekarang baru tahu?"

Dua-dua terus gelak besar.

*

Orang dulu-dulu nak mengurat baling kacang jer. Kalau orang lelaki sekarang mengurat ikut style macam tuh aku rasa dah lama dia orang kene tapak kasut.

Hujung Minggu Bersama Ayah

Sudah lama aku tak pulang ke kampung. Aku mahu memberikan alasan bekerja, tapi kalau nak diikutkan semua orang pun bekerja. Aku mahu berikan alasan kesesakan duit, aku tak sampai hati. Aku mengambil cuti yang panjang untuk meluangkan masa bersama Mak dan Ayah di kampung.

Ayah tak berapa sihat kebelakangan ini. Selepas dijangkiti demam Chikugunya minggu lepas, aku perasan Ayah dah semakin lemah. Tenaga dan kekuatannya sudah tidak setara jika dibandingkan dengan keadaannya sebelum dijangkiti demam tersebut.

Ayah pun semakin sensitif. Pantang ditinggikan suara (walaupun sebenarnya secara tidak sengaja), Ayah akan merajuk dan masuk ke bilik menyendiri.

Mak pesan, "Adik, kalau Ayah cakap, Adik iyakan ajer. Nanti dia merajuk. Mak sekarang biar jer apa Ayah nak cakap. Kalau tengok Ayah merajuk cam budak kecik".

Aku mengangguk.

Bila dia sudah puas bersedih, dia akan keluar dari bilik dan duduk di depan TV tanpa bercakap, atau bertutur walau sepatah kata. Ia boleh berlanjutan sehingga ke malam hari.

"Adik ada duit?", tetiba Ayah bertanya.

Bulan ini memang aku sedikit sesak. Banyak bantuan pesakit luar dihulurkan kepada rakan-rakan dan sanak saudara yang lebih memerlukan. Sesak tak sesak, telefon aku bulan ni jer dah 3-4 kali kene potong. Sebab aku bayar sikit-sikit.

Sepanjang 30 tahun, belum pernah lagi aku rasa sesak sebegini.

Tapi aku menidakkan, walaupun aku rasa jauh disudut hati Ayah dia tahu dan sedar anak bongsu dia dalam kesusahan bulan ini.

Aku masih belum gentar walaupun aku tiada duit atau kekurangan duit. Aku gentar kalau Mak dan Ayah susah hati sebab aku susah.

"Betul Adik ada duit?" Ayah seolah tidak berpuas hati.

"Ada. Kalau tada orang mintaklah nanti ok?" Aku menjawab, dan aku terus ke dapur.

Dulu Ayah pakai seluar bersaiz 40. Badan tinggi dan tegap. Tiada siapa yang mampu untuk mengurut badan Ayah tanpa rasa sengal-sengal di otot-otot tangan. Sekarang, semakin lanjut usia, badan Ayah semakin susut. Saiz seluar dah turun ke saiz 36. Badan pun dah semakin berkedut, dan sentiasa duduk memegang dada.

Doktor pesan untuk bawa Ayah ke hospital swasta, agar pemeriksaan terperinci kepada penyakit jantungnya boleh dibuat. Tapi cuma Tuhan jer yang tahu, betapa degilnya dia. Puas semua adik-beradik, makcik pakcik aku memujuk.

Kalau sakit atau demam biasa, nak pujuk ke klinik pun susah. Inikan pula, penyakit-penyakit yang kritikal.

Aku kadangkala terpaksa bertindak seakan mengugut semata-mata untuk membawa dia mendapatkan rawatan.

"Ayah kalau tak ikut Adik pergi klinik, lain kali orang tak balik lagi. Cuti pun tak balik, raya pun tak balik" aku mengugut.

Selalunya, taktik ini menjadi.

Tapi kelmarin, "Ayah tak nak pergi klinik, Ayah penat. Sakit dada. Bagi Ayah tidur dulu" , ayat ini menyebabkan aku mengalah dan bersedih sepanjang hari.

Aku biar Ayah rehat dulu. Pasangkan penghawa dingin, letakkan sebotol air mineral di sebelah katilnya, dan juga pil-pil yang perlu diambil.

3 jam Ayah tido. Ayah tak pernah tidur sebegitu lama.

Dikala itu, aku sedar, Ayah sudah tidak seperti dulu. Ayah sudah tua. Keringat dan tenaga kederatnya sudah dimamah usia.