I can't wait for my Bali trip with the girls.

But kesian Mr.Snots. His birthday is on March, 30th and I'll be flying off on April 1st. This is supposed to be his first birthday that we are going to celebrate as a couple, and I was thinking of spending the whole week with him, but I had purchased the ticket even before we started seeing each other.

Speaking of trips, I have been travelling around lately. I work hard, so I balance my life with a good quick getaway to keep my mind sane.

This month is the only month that am not on any vacation or some sort. Eh but then, I was in Terengganu for 5 days, so can I consider that as handling a business and mixing it with pleasure? Not really a vacation but sort of. At least, I got to stay in a room facing the wide open sea. So oklah.

Next month, I'll be going to Phuket, with Mr.Snots and a bunch of my colleagues and most probably Pulau Perhentian in June.

People think that I'm like the super rich person that's why I can afford to go on for a vacation every month.

What people do not know that I'm a savvy traveller, and I travel cheap; oh and also a charitable Along that is easily melted everytime I tell him that I want money and I love him. Haha.

But seriously; I travel cheap.

I don't spend so much money on shopping (unless am in Bangkok).

I rather spend my time taking pictures and learning about the places am visiting.

Lying on the beach reading books, getting a traditional massage, or whatever that can help me calm myself.

That for me is a heavenly getaway.

I suck at finding a matching and catchy title for my blog entry. From now on, it will be deemed irrelevant and unimportant. Why bother when people can just read the entry straight away.

I met with my girlfriends a couple of weeks ago, after two years of not seeing each other. Last I saw them was a few months before my work took me to Europe.

Things have changed so much for them. Two of them are now pregnant with their second child, one is trying to conceive, and another one sounded extremely chirpy when she talks about her girl.

Me? Nothing has changed since, except for my expanding girth.

We have been friends since standard 1. These were the girls that I met and made friends on the first day of school, and we stayed friends until now. So we did quarrels, and I lost count how many times we had misunderstandings, how we envied each other and whatnots, but we stayed friends no matter what.

We have our ups and downs. But what strengthen the friendship was our honest feelings for each other. How we always hope for the best and happiness for everyone.

On the day, I decided to tell them that my application to another school was accepted, was the moment that each of us will remember our whole life. All five of us were crying. As if that we would lost each other's friendship, and that I would just forget about them. That moment, I knew that I want to keep them in my life, all the way until I die. We cried and we cried, then when we were tired, we ordered food and drinks.

There are a couple of questions that have been bugging them. I notice this during our conversation. Like how they sometimes feel that it is not nice to talk about their husbands or children because they don't want me to feel left out. But please, being single in this group doesn't mean that I should be left out on any juicy details on their marriage life. That is not fair. :)

Being girlfriends, I know that they are always concern about me. I'm the only one who is still single, and looks like there's no certain time in the near future that I would settle down, having my own family and breed children like them. But the thing about this situation with them, unlike with others, I can feel their sincerity, their honesty and they are not mean-spirited. They also want me to be happy, just like them.

They are not pretentious. They are not smug married. They know that their marriage is not perfect either and that they do have their own sets of problems, but they want me to experience what they have experienced. The joy and happiness of having a family. Their out of body experience giving birth to their first born. They want to be able to chat with me about all those memorable moments without me being in total lost. I know they meant well.

All I have to say is, I'm not sure what the future holds for me. I'm not sure that whether I will have my own family, or I am going to be blessed with children running around screaming in my house. I do not know whether my relationship now would end like how it should be (I can only hope for the best), but don't be so sad for me.

I am happy. Not all the time, but still, 70% of the time is still acceptable. I'm not saying that I don't need someone to make me feel content, whole, or what ever feelings that married people have. I do, just not the time yet.

They are also concern about my biological clock which is ticking faster by the day. If I get married too late, I might not be able to conceive.

Well, this part is not that complicated for me. My family is like Brangelina's brat-pack, but sans the multinational and multiracial genes. My grandmother had so many adopted children, she could rival Jolie-Pitt anytime. My aunties adopted a couple of children as well, even when they have their own.

We were taught to think that, if we can't have our own children maybe that means God wants us to help some unfortunate souls out there. Bring them into our family and make it our own. And all of those adopted childrens (my uncles, aunties and cousins) are our family, and I love them, as much as I love everyone else.

So that sorted already. If I can't concieve, I'll be like Angelina. Running around adopting children but still hot.

Don't worry too much. I'll be fine.

Things I don't do anymore and I've become.

I don't watch news on the local TV any more because I'm seriously tired of being bombarded by the politicians images and their endless worthless tireless dramas.

I don't read the newspaper no more because I'm tired of its lop-sided and false journalism.

I don't iron all of my clothes diligently on Sunday any more like I used to back then, because I'm tired of my old self, and my old routine.

I don't go on any shopping spree or spend my money carelessly like how I used to when I was younger, because I realised now that I don't have to own so many things to make me feel happy. I only buy things that are needed and when only necessary. And I would rather spend my money travelling.

I don't drink alcohol at home.

I only buy perfume to replace the finished one. I don't have perfumes collection any more. One in my place, one in Mr.Snots' place. The one that is in my home is depleting fast. *hints*

I don't tolerate well with drama queens and kings. I shut them out more easily now.

I put myself first before everyone else.

If I don't feel like going out, I just tell my friend that I don't feel like going out. Before this I used to try my very best to make the time. Now, am just tired.

I only keep few appreciated ones in my small circle as close friends. Others are just considered as acquaintances, that don't really need my company or attention, vice versa.

I'm more vicious towards my selfish unworthy brothers. (not Along)

I don't care if people are pretentious towards me, because I don't care about them too.

If people talk shit about me, they are going to get it there and then. No more mercy. I have been nice for so long, it is time to stand up for my self.

I feel neglected.

I feel unappreciated.

and most of the time, I feel lonely.

Dear Girlfriends,

Friendship is all about trust. But of course, being human, I've killed a couple of friendships I once had by betraying the trust. I was foolish, and you can say that I was kinda selfish as well.

Trust is earned by being a good friend, being there for your friend when they need it, and also the one that was entrusted upon you when they share their dark secrets, or just secrets.

People can easily blamed and judged their own friends when they thought that their trust and friendship were betrayed. That I fully comprehend. But when it comes to friendship, not all is lost. Some can be fixed given the time and space.

Different people have different perspective and needs when it comes to friendship. Some need it to keep them grounded, some need it as their support system. I need friends because I can't stand to be alone and also partly because I get to be myself when I'm with them.

I have always wanted to be accepted and to be loved unconditionally by my friends. I've always wanted the sort of friends that will be there during high time, and during the time when everything seems to fall apart.

I have that kind of friendship nowadays. Friendship which is more trusting. My friendship with you. If I could freeze those times when you were trying your very best to lift up my spirits when it needed some lifting, and when you were so concern about my well being and my health, and how happy you were to know that I'm happy, I would.

I can't say that I'm a good friend. But I will also try my very best to stay in your loop.

I will try my very best to contribute; be it emotionally, financially, or morally; when needed.

So girlfriends,

No matter how you think that the world is against you and all your surrounding comes crushing down on you, remember that you will always have me. You have given me so much within these past years, the least that I could do is to give you back that love and attention you once poured on me.

I realised that sometimes I can be so harsh. Although I didn't mean to hurt you, but you got hurt any way.

Sometimes I feel mad, angry and sad because I can't just take all your problems away from you so that you could be the person that you were before.

Sometimes, I feel useless because I can't do anything to help you get through any of your problems.

Sometimes, I feel that we should just team up and beat the crap out of everyone that would hurt you. Whether they do it on purpose or not is not the issue. But when I put my thoughts in order, most probably each of us need to beat each other up instead, because somewhere along this friendship, we might have hurt each other without us realising it.

But the best thing about friendship is, you forgive. You let go. Just pray that all bad experiences that we had encountered together have somehow taught us a lesson or two.

All's well, ends well. Trust me.

I love you.