I was doing my annual splean clinging (sic), or to all the normal people out there with normal tongue; spring cleaning; yesterday to toss out some of the unnecessary things that had been piling up all these years in the storage room.

While I was filtering through every single things, I found a couple of pictures and letters from my past relationship. It's funny to think about it now, because if I were to discover these stuff back then, when I was still in devastation, I would probably cry my eyes out. But yesterday, I felt different. I was actually laughing and thought that my past relationship was really naive and innocent, (well maybe because that pictures were taken when we were about 18 or 19 years old, of course we looked naive and innocent). But that's not the point.

The point is, I had moved on. I no longer feel all hung up on my past. I let it passed, and I've passed it. I tore up the pictures and threw away the letters, and filled up my nice lil boxes with new love letters from Mr.Snots.

I felt rejuvenated. I felt relieved. As if a big burden had been lifted off my shoulder. I always knew that I no longer feel anything for him and that whatever that I have with Mr.Snots is what I've always wanted in a relationship; The bond, the attention, the things that we share, the trust (still working on that, apparently it is really hard to establish a trust); But the reassurance that came unexpectedly in a form of crumbled papers in dirty old boxes, relieved me from my past.

You know what they say about this, yesterday had passed and today is what matters now, it's a gift that need to be cherished, that is why they call it present (or some shit like that).

Ada orang tanya aku kenapa kengkawan aku semua orang lelaki?

Geng kat ofis: Halim, MatNor, Dahlan, Amir, Qwer, Gaddafi, Mr.Snot (kengkadang)
Geng kat uni: ZulGiler
Geng kat teknik: usop, halim, faiz, Mr.Ex (now tak geng lg lah hehe), fero and etc.
Geng bebudak hoki: aidil, mamat, navin, chot, ayyum, sham keling, pl and etc.
Geng kat rumah: Abang aku, Ajak. (kira ker?)

Aku ramai kawan perempuan, ada dalam 10 orang yang betul-betul baik and rapat dengan aku. Cacklers, geng BudakSekolah (teknik/convent), and Makcik2 aku (ini kira kawan ker?).

Lain; mere acquaintances. Tak beri kesan, tak meninggalkan kesan. Jumpa, jumpa tak jumpa takper.

Tapi yang dalam 10 orang tuh, nyawa aku sanggup gadai. (ok tipu, sebab aku tamau mati pasal dia orang ni. buang karan jer)

Dari kecik dulu pun memang aku suka bergaul dan berkawan dengan budak lelaki. Yelah, abang 4 orang. Akak tade. Keluar petang-petang main guli, kejor-kejor, sembunyi, main galah panjang, ini jerlah kaki-kaki aku. Aku ada kawan rapat masa kecik, Si Kamariah. Dia pun anak perempuan sorang, 6 orang abang. Lagilah.

Mana yang jadik kawan abang-abang aku, jadik kawan aku.
Mana yang jadik kawan aku, abang-abang aku mengurat. (masa kecik lah, time ni tak lagi)

So pusing-pusing kat situ jugak.

Masa kecik time Mak selalu hantar rumah Atuk, suruh daddy jaga, memain dengan budak-budak lelaki jugak. Makcik aku seorang, lelain semua pakcik-pakcik aku dengan sepupu-sepupu aku yang lelaki.

So memang dari kecik, aku dah lama terjebak dengan lelaki.

Aku dengan dia orang tade manja-manja nya. Biasa. Aku layan dia orang sama macam aku layan orang lain. Tak kiralah baru kenal or not. Itu lah sebabnya aku susah nak dapat boyfriend kot, sebab they see me as one of them boys. Nothing special.

Aku buat apa yang dia orang boleh buat, and sometimes aku buat apa yang dia orang tak mampu nak buat. Gitu. But apa-apa pun, aku memang senang nak berkawan dengan lelaki.

Dia orang ni tak mudah nak terasa hati. (kengkawan aku lah, yang lain aku tak tahu). Nak cakap apa-apa pun senang. Takde nak merajuk-merajuk, and tade lah nak ngutuk-ngutuk belakang. Kalau nak kutuk, direct terus, sebab dia orang tahu aku pun camtuh.

Aku kureng sikit dengan perempuan, sebab aku ni jenis kasar. Setengah-setengah memang takleh blah (baru belajar camner nak guna perkataan ni hehehhe) dengan aku. So takperlah, lu tak blah, gua tak blah. So lu blah lah. (wah so eksen!)

Tak maksud aku, kalau tak sesuai, carik yang lain.

Sesiapa yang boleh masuk dengan aku then. itulah yang kene jaga. Sebab susahkan nak jumpa yang sekepala, and perempuan. So itulah 10 orang. Cukuplah. Dengan dia orang ni pun aku selalu lah jugak kene hamun sebab aku ni jenis pemalas nak keep in touch. Aku tak reti-reti nak menalipon, sms lagilah. Sib baik ada facebook sekarang.

Nasib baik jugaklah, dia orang ni tahu camana aku function. Takdelah dia orang nak kecik-kecik hati ker apakan.

Ada sorang budak baru yang baru join geng breakfast aku, dia ada tanya aku kat ofis harituh, "Kenapa kengkawan akak semua lelaki?"

Jawapan aku, "Wah baru join aku sekali breakfast dah ingat aku nak jadikkan kau kawan aku ker? Perasan nak mampus." Hehe.

Satu jer perkataan yang akan keluar dari mulut aku kalau ada inconsiderate or stupid drivers yang menaikkan darah aku. Fucker!

Kalau aku rasa orang buat statement yang boleh membuatkan aku rasa cam nak mati, ataupun statement tak perlu, aku akan cakap Keji.

Kalau aku tak sangka, aku akan cakap The Fuck!

Kalau aku bengang, aku akan cakap Ass!

Kalau aku sakit jiwa aku akan cakap Astagaaaaaa!!

Kalau aku dah tak tahan and dah tak kuasa, aku cakap Gi Mampus!

Kalau aku rasa diri aku terkena aku akan cakap Pundek! or Babi!

Kalau aku rasa geram, aku takkan cakap apa-apa.

Hari ni saya masak black pepper beef and bawak pergi ofis untuk lunch. OMG so sedap okays. Tak sangka i masak sedap.

*

Okay.

That sounded so salah. I've been reading too much of blogs that are updated every half an hour with trivial details of the owner's life. It's really entertaining to see them taking photos of their meal, trying on clothes in the fitting room, and what they plan to eat later for dinner and whatnots. You know what am talking about.

Although sometimes I can't help but to wonder; Wouldn't it be a hassle for you to take pictures of your meal every time before you eat it? Or pose with your food in the restaurant full of customers? I don't have the guts to do all those stuff in public. Too damn shy. I give them credit for doing that. Sungguh tegar.

So yeah. I've started my pack-own-lunch-to-the-office plan. Hopefully I am not too lazy to keep this plan going.

Things are moving slowly for me, which is good I guess. Hope to catch up on what I've missed.

Owh one interesting thing before I go.

There's this one salon in Dataran Sunway Damansara (two shops away from Kayu Nasi Kandar) owned by a mobster lookalike stylist. He's from Hong Kong. He can't speak English, Malay lagilah, but he can cut your hair exactly like how you want it to be; off the magazine or your own style. And he has a tranlastor standing by if he needs to ask you anything or if you have any request or questions for him. Gila hebat. Sekali pandang macam nak rompak bank or like he can probably kill you with his bare hands. You know the typical Hong Kong mafia. Long messy blonde hair, tatooed, baju net and nampak nenen. Hehe. Quite cheap as well. You know me being a cheapo nowadays, always trying to find better offer or promotional package.

He was so meticulous, he took 2 hours just to cut my hair. The fuck! But the end result was great.

Go and trylah.

Hari raya, hari raya. People came to visit, ate, talked about stuff and leave.

They also leave behind dirty dishes, crumbs on the carpet and the sofa, stains on the table cloth, and chi-pau (angpau is red, chi- green) were thrown everywhere outside the house after the kids emptied it.

3 days of rubbish piling up because the "tonkonsol" people were on leave as well.

You won't be able to sleep because all the rempits were making so much of noise by ramming their modified motorcycle at night; you'd feel like throwing Molotov cocktails their way.

Kids nowadays have no manners, and their proud parents think that it is adorable.

How I wish people would just stop asking me when am going to get married, because they too have their own set of marital problems. My cousin thinks that I'm left far behind and very unfortunate because by the time she was my age, she already had 3 children. What she didn't realise is that I know about the story when her husband cheated on her, a couple of times. Thanks to a very efficient geng semboyan from her family.

I think that my dad's siblings are all demented and delusional. Just because they drive bigger cars, that doesn't automatically makes them a better person or a royalty. They are royal alright, royal pain in the ass. They should stop making up stories and compare their children's achievements, because they didn't really achieved anything much. They are sucking up to my Along because they know he's rich. They are sucking up to me because they think I can recommend their children to work in this company. What they don't know is that both of us don't give a shit.

It sickens me to the stomach when story of kene bomoh, santau and sakit kene sampuk hantu, always seems to be the topic of discussion among them. With kopiah on the head, sembahyang tak tinggal, you would think that they have acquired some inner peace and skills to deter all these nonsensical stuff on their own, without seeking any help from Bomoh orang asli or bomoh tipu.

Not that I don't want to believe, but please lah, kalau demam pun kene sepak hantu like wtf. If I see any hantu want to sepak them, I'd probably volunteer myself and ask the hantu to give me the privilege of doing it.

I told my mom that, if I were to be married to someone like my Dad, I guarantee her that in less than a year, I will divorce him. Or maybe kill him first then I leave. To be honest, my Dad is so bossy to my mom, can be very disrespectful and thinks that he is right all the time. Where else, most of the time he is not. Although he is a great dad, but I sometimes hate the way he treats my mom and how he thinks he has the right to comment on every single thing.

A close relative came to visit and told Mak on how she can no longer stand her cheap-stingy-cheating husband. Life is difficult now and I feel sad for her. I think she needs to go out and work again so that she doesn't have to depend on that good for nothing dickhead just to get by everyday's life. She said that she no longer see herself growing old with her husband, but she stays on for the children. I think life is unfair. Why would women have to suffer so that their children have a dickhead to call a father?

You want to bring a child to this world, make sure that you yourself is well equipped with the ever changing and evolving parenting skills and emotionally well balanced. I see many single mothers out there who are always willing to make a stand whenever is necessary and still manage to bring up their children well. If you have the will, God will surely show you the way.

With all these commotions, this raya is definitely an interesting one.

I saw one family sneaked out from my Mom’s back door to leave because their nemesis was arriving.

How some people think that they have achieved so much because they have contributed to the growth of population in this country and look down on others who can’t conceive?

How parents can be so materialistic and think that having children is their ultimate pension scheme. My uncle kutuk his son choice of degree course (Art and Design) to everyone because he thinks that it won’t make him a lot of money and later he won’t be able to give some to him.

How I cringe every time my dad put up a smug face when someone tells my dad that how lucky he is to have us as his children. So eksen.

How I love my mom and admire her for putting up with all of these arrogance and stupidities from her husband’s side of family, and how she laughed loudly when I told that I would divorce my Dad in no time. She smiled when I said that God is fair because if my Dad was born rich, or was given wealth, he won't be able to handle it and he would totally turn out to be an arrogant rich man just like the rest of his siblings. Orang keturunan Bugis memang bongkak tak bertempat.

How I wish that I can be as patience and as forgiving like her.

How I wish that I could take back all of the things she painstakingly endured to protect us from being corrupted by these emotionally crippled group of people we called relatives and family.