Few people came to my cubicle, shook hand and asked for forgiveness. Greeted me with Eid Mubarak, wished me well and asked me to drive carefully tomorrow. Some called me on my office extension, some called me on my phone. Some sent email to me and some dropped comments on my fb page.
I'm driving back to my hometown tomorrow with my brother. Well, I'm pretty sure he's going to do all the driving instead.
This week has been a bit hectic. I never ever leave my office with my work unfinished or unattended. I would feel very guilty.
This is actually the first time in years that I'm going back the day before Eid itself. Usually, at this time am already at my parents' place helping them with the Eid preparations; helping mom cleaning the lawn, the house, paint the wall, change the curtains and anything that she wants me to do. This year, a bit of sacrifices has to be made. I will be on-call and on-standby for the next few days. I've setup the VPN client with a hope that if there's any problem, I would be able to settle it remotely so that I don't have to drive 2 hours back to the office in the middle of Eid chaos.
I don't actually feel any sort of urgency or looking forward to celebrate Eid this year. I feel a bit complacent about the whole thing. I don't know. I just know what's coming my way; the family gathering, the questions, the endless whining and complaints; I think I'm done with that. But am going back anyway, for the sake of my parents.
So for those who came across this blog and have remained following my updates, best of friends, friends, strangers, loved ones;
"Here I am asking for you to forgive me for all my wrongdoings and all the mistakes that I have done.; those hurtful words that might have affected your emotional well being (intentionally or unintentionally), those bad jokes that weren't even funny most of the time, those endless rage and angry updates that fuelled this mundane page, my limited vocabulary and poor choices of words that might leave anyone in confusion and all the unimaginable things in between. Being human, more over a woman, my updates were mostly based on my endless hormonal raging cycles that never seems to end from month to month, or sometime day to day. I realised that my thoughts were sometimes scattered and jumbled up in a nonsensical sequence, I feel that most of the updates didn't even make any sense at all. So for having to make you suffer reading nonsense all these years, I humbly seek your forgiveness. Thank you for staying and I am wishing all Moslem a blessed Aidilfitri and the rest, enjoy happy holiday!."
Sincerely,
Lina
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Think: United state of confusion.
I know am not really a good Moslem to actually give out any advise or dictate what other Moslem should or shouldn't do. I also know that am not in a position to say whether certain things are right or wrong, but I always believe in the freedom of expression; having your voice heard and giving out your opinion on any matter, be it religious or not.
I refuse to touch on this matter in my blog before because I'm afraid that I won't be able to put my thought sufficiently and clearly. But with what has been happening lately, I don't think I can hold it any longer.
So here I am, jotting down my opinion, trying to state clearly of what I think about the latest conundrums that have been happening lately in my country of which has stirred some confusions and rage within the Moslem community and other races as well.
First about the racial issue. Let me make it clear that I am a Moslem first before I am a Malay. In this country that am living in, Malay race is being regard as superior or (or so they think), as we are considered the founder of the land and has been granted all sort of birth right privileges. If you are keen with Malaysia's political scenes, you had came across how this issue had and still being manipulated by the political parties, left or right, and had caused some unpleasant confrontations between the people. The minorities are against the majority and vice versa.
Unfortunately, this has also caused the people to become further segregated. We are now back to where it first begin, after 53 years of claiming our independence. I feel ashamed and most importantly I feel sad. This continuous-never ending shenanigans made me stop reading the newspaper and watching the news on TV for years. I just couldn't bear the thought or the feeling of humiliation, degradation and stupidity every time I hear the politicians contradict themselves within the same sentence, when it comes to religion and race.
I'm not just talking about my own race, but others as well. The seed of hatred has been planted, and sooner or later we are going to witness a tragic ending to all these, unless we do something about it.
It is just ONE thing AFTER ANOTHER and am just sick and tired of it.
I remember studying hard to be where I am now. I don't even remember my parents telling me that since I am a Malay, I don't have to do anything because the "Government" will help the Malays. Seriously, have you ever heard that from your parents?
I studied hard and be as competitive as I possibly can to excel in everything. Why? Because I wanted to further my study in a tertiary education program and I wanted to get a good job. What about scholarship? I was interviewed just like everyone else and I would like to believe that I was selected fairly. First two years of my undergrad study, I was fully supported by my parents.
So when someone says, "Owh it is easier for you because you are Malay" I'd say, "FUCK IT!"
And for the Malays, don't be such a smug and keep on claiming this land as our own and labeled others as immigrants. How do you even dare to use that term when our forefathers fought side by side to free the country. To be fair, every each one of us are immigrants. So when you point one finger towards other people calling them names and whatnot, you have another four pointing back at you.
Whatever happens to friendship? We do not identify each other through race. We form a clique because we understand and like each other. Gosh am so full of anger now.
And about being a Moslem.
When I was young, I was sent to a religious school to learn about our religion and to embrace the Qoran and Islam. I was thought how to pray, to follow the Sunnah (compilation of our prophet Muhammad (PBUH) acts and practices to compliment the Qoran), how to be respectful of people regardless of their religion, be humble and etc. And am sure, any other kids growing up in other religions experienced this as well.
Now we have NGOs that looked more like mafias to me, and those of higher power, suddenly transformed into Islam's champions and make a mockery our of the teaching of Islam for their own agenda.
Case of point: Non-Moslem MP entered a Surau (chapel).
There was a big hoohaa about this. To make the long story short, these so called "religious" monkeys asked responsible religious council to punish the non-Moslem MP just because she attended an event held in a Surau.
My God. The thing about why I hate them so much is they are putting out ridiculous image on other Moslem. Stop it already!
Is my faith and belief that I have nurtured since I was young, things that I have learned and loved about my religion can be easily threatened by petty stuff? Don't they realized that false representations and making false statement on religion are more damaging that anything else?
We need to come together. Stop playing both the racial and religious card. It would just make you look more pathetic.
I refuse to touch on this matter in my blog before because I'm afraid that I won't be able to put my thought sufficiently and clearly. But with what has been happening lately, I don't think I can hold it any longer.
So here I am, jotting down my opinion, trying to state clearly of what I think about the latest conundrums that have been happening lately in my country of which has stirred some confusions and rage within the Moslem community and other races as well.
First about the racial issue. Let me make it clear that I am a Moslem first before I am a Malay. In this country that am living in, Malay race is being regard as superior or (or so they think), as we are considered the founder of the land and has been granted all sort of birth right privileges. If you are keen with Malaysia's political scenes, you had came across how this issue had and still being manipulated by the political parties, left or right, and had caused some unpleasant confrontations between the people. The minorities are against the majority and vice versa.
Unfortunately, this has also caused the people to become further segregated. We are now back to where it first begin, after 53 years of claiming our independence. I feel ashamed and most importantly I feel sad. This continuous-never ending shenanigans made me stop reading the newspaper and watching the news on TV for years. I just couldn't bear the thought or the feeling of humiliation, degradation and stupidity every time I hear the politicians contradict themselves within the same sentence, when it comes to religion and race.
I'm not just talking about my own race, but others as well. The seed of hatred has been planted, and sooner or later we are going to witness a tragic ending to all these, unless we do something about it.
It is just ONE thing AFTER ANOTHER and am just sick and tired of it.
I remember studying hard to be where I am now. I don't even remember my parents telling me that since I am a Malay, I don't have to do anything because the "Government" will help the Malays. Seriously, have you ever heard that from your parents?
I studied hard and be as competitive as I possibly can to excel in everything. Why? Because I wanted to further my study in a tertiary education program and I wanted to get a good job. What about scholarship? I was interviewed just like everyone else and I would like to believe that I was selected fairly. First two years of my undergrad study, I was fully supported by my parents.
So when someone says, "Owh it is easier for you because you are Malay" I'd say, "FUCK IT!"
And for the Malays, don't be such a smug and keep on claiming this land as our own and labeled others as immigrants. How do you even dare to use that term when our forefathers fought side by side to free the country. To be fair, every each one of us are immigrants. So when you point one finger towards other people calling them names and whatnot, you have another four pointing back at you.
Whatever happens to friendship? We do not identify each other through race. We form a clique because we understand and like each other. Gosh am so full of anger now.
And about being a Moslem.
When I was young, I was sent to a religious school to learn about our religion and to embrace the Qoran and Islam. I was thought how to pray, to follow the Sunnah (compilation of our prophet Muhammad (PBUH) acts and practices to compliment the Qoran), how to be respectful of people regardless of their religion, be humble and etc. And am sure, any other kids growing up in other religions experienced this as well.
Now we have NGOs that looked more like mafias to me, and those of higher power, suddenly transformed into Islam's champions and make a mockery our of the teaching of Islam for their own agenda.
Case of point: Non-Moslem MP entered a Surau (chapel).
There was a big hoohaa about this. To make the long story short, these so called "religious" monkeys asked responsible religious council to punish the non-Moslem MP just because she attended an event held in a Surau.
My God. The thing about why I hate them so much is they are putting out ridiculous image on other Moslem. Stop it already!
Is my faith and belief that I have nurtured since I was young, things that I have learned and loved about my religion can be easily threatened by petty stuff? Don't they realized that false representations and making false statement on religion are more damaging that anything else?
We need to come together. Stop playing both the racial and religious card. It would just make you look more pathetic.
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