Someone said this to me recently,
"I can easily see that there was something different about the way he talks to you, every time. Even a blind person could easily feels and detects the vibe. But I guess, you refuse to see it all and treat him nothing more than as a friend."
It is painfully stupid to admit, but I have to say that it's true.
I don't fall in love that easily, hence the 14 years of courtship although it ended rather disastrously.
I'm not trying to be a smug bitch too when I say that, I have my fair share of men, thinking that they are in love with me, or I am the one, after a brief 10 minutes of dancing. It is really tiring to convince them that I am not.
For me, a man with crush is like a dog with a boner. Give them something else to play with, he'd get off from humping your leg. All they ever needed was some sort of a distraction, then am out of the picture. Easy peasy.
But when that crush lasts for more than 5 years, I guess, that is something really worthy of my time, to actually sit and contemplate on it.
In a way, I know I have hurt him so much without realizing it. I was not aware of his feelings, and couldn't care less to actually think before I speak, or do anything a friend would do, like calling him Bongek, Bongok, and says Keji to his face like all the time. At that point, although he was one of my close friends, but he was still just a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
But I see him differently now. I could see and have finally realized that ...
He was always there for me for the past years. He was wiling to hear me whine, complaint and entertain my mood swings with a wide annoying smirk on his face. He was always trying to make me laugh every time I was sad. He admitted that he would do almost anything so that he could see me, and that kind of explain the short 30 mins course on stupid programming I was helping him with.
He said he tried to forget about his crush for me, but it was so difficult. He has been in and out of relationship so many times,but the only thing that he could think about was me.
I was flattered, but at the same time I was scared. I don't think I'm ready to do this once again.
He's trying to convince me that he would willing to give me all the time that I need; to move on, to regroup; as long as I would wiling to consider giving him a chance to make me happy. Just once. He had waited for me for 5 years, and he doesn't mind doing it for another 5.
*sigh*
This love thing works it ways mysteriously.
