Things I have realised along the way

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Virtual.

Blog is one of my not so many channels to pen down my pent up frustrations. Maybe yours too. I have to confess that I do have friends, but I don't confide in each and everyone of them. Few special ones (or maybe just one) that were (was) considered as trustworthy, would get the nitty-gritty details of my sucky life. But in blog, we can't really say anything inappropriate now can we? Because if we do,you never know that one of these days, some wacked out fella might come across it and put nasty label on you. And as much as you think you don't care of what they call you behind your back, or you don't give a fark of what they think about your online persona, and no matter how many times you have given the assurance that you are a better person in real life; but as mere mortal, deep down it hurts. Even for the first few seconds before you manage to recollect your composure and finally decide to let it go.

This is, my friend, the main reason why I don't link my blog to any site meter or to what ever gadgets to monitor my readers (if there's any) because I don't need to know who is reading my blog. All I needed is a space where people don't judge me, which I think is absolutely the in-denial side of me, because of course they do. People pass judgement all the time. But I don't hold any grudges against them. Because I judge them too. Hehe.

That is what life is all about.

We get what we give. And since I sometimes judge people, I know sometime others judge me too. I can live with it, as long as I do not know what they talk about.

But if I know, not that I have much to say anyway lah kan. The most that I could do is to tell my girls about it and that's it. It is definitely easier to mend virtual wounds. You can just erase it from your mind.

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Hardcopy, Real Life.

I don't understand people. Malays especially. They have the tendency to humiliate others without realising it. I have been called alot of names, just because am not the typical Asian petite sized woman.

I know Malaysian prefer their woman to be small, quaint and can be held in palm and placed in pocket, but do you have to be nasty towards the bigger size women? You think we don't have feelings ker?

And am not really THAT big and tall pun. Just because they are smaller than me you know.

Is it really necessary to pass derogatory remarks about God given attributes? So yeah, you are blessed with small features, and you are only 4 feet tall, and the only big about you is your ego but that does not gives you the right to dictate people's life.

I can be nasty to them back, but what's the point you know? Cakap dengan katak bawah tempurung. They have never been exposed to the real world where people come in different shapes and sizes. They think their size is the ideal one.

Or maybe, in my opinion, they are just jealous for not having long legs which would look good in skinny jeans.

Or maybe, in my opinion, they are just jealous because they have to shop in kids departmental stores.

Or maybe, in my opinion, they are just jealous because they want what we have, and they only way that they know how to deal with it is to condemn it.

But of course, in real life the wounds and remarks stay a bit longer than in virtual world. We tend to feel a bit wary because it does affect of what we think of ourselves. Although we might not agree with it, but it scars no matter what.

Cinta dulu-dulu.

Masa kat rumah Mak arituh, aku ada tanya dengan Auntie Lah, macam mana Ayah mengurat Mak ek?

Auntie Lah adik bongsu Mak. So kiranya sure Mak jadikan dia umpan untuk tipu Atuk aku kalau nak pergi dating. Sama macam Auntie Lah selalu gunakan aku masa dia bercinta dulu. Aku selalu ikut dia dengan ex-husband dia dulu pergi bercinta sebab Atuk tak kasik dia keluar berdua-duaan.

So aku tanya Auntie Lah, caner Ayah mengurat Mak.

Auntie Lah pun mulalah bercerita.

"Dulu masa mak muda-muda, dia suka tengok wayang yang 'open air' kat Club House kat belakang dewan Jubli Intan tuh."

Aku mengangguk. "Abis tuh?"

"Mak selalu lah pergi sana tengok cerita hindustan malam-malam dengan kengkawan dia. So masa kat sana, Ayah ngurat Mak lah" sambungnya lagi.

"Yelah, ngurat camana?" Aku bertanya.

"Ayah baling kacang kat Mak dari belakang"

Masa aku dengar baling kacang tuh aku dah tergelak besar. Tapi masih boleh control lagi.

"Abis tuh?"

"Mak marah. Mak tak suka. Tapi kawan Mak yang syok kat Ayah pulak"

..dia sambung lagi....

"Masa tuh Ayah hensem. Tapi Mak tak suka sebab dia mengurat cam budak kecik."

(Now I know from where I inherited that trait from)

"Dah tuh, camna lak tetiba Mak boleh suka kat Ayah?" aku tanya lagi.

"Sebab Ayah tak berenti-renti mengurat. Last-last Mak bosan, terima jerlah"

Masa nih aku dah gelak berguling atas lantai (literally sebab masa tengah bercerita kita orang tengah baring melepak depan tv).

"Wah, sakan betul Ayah. Tak sangka."

"Memang saiko apak kau tuh! Sekarang baru tahu?"

Dua-dua terus gelak besar.

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Orang dulu-dulu nak mengurat baling kacang jer. Kalau orang lelaki sekarang mengurat ikut style macam tuh aku rasa dah lama dia orang kene tapak kasut.