The sister that I never had.

Growing up with 4 brothers was quite a challenge. My girl friends that I confided in, would usually be my mom or my aunties. This is the reason why we have such a strong bond with each other. We grew up together, we helped each other in need, then and now.

I was later blessed with little girls as cousins, and now, nieces. I have never felt awkward with them although I was the only girl in the house, and the youngest. Some would be surprise at my maternal instinct, given the circumstances. I helped my aunties / uncles / brothers babysit their kids, back then, to earn some money and of course, to be in their good book.

But for one particular cousin, I actually helped raising her. She was brought to the world when I was in Uni and I practically went back and forth so that I could cuddle and play with her, whenever I have the time during weekends, and on term breaks. She is the daughter of one of my aunties, the one that I'm really close with.I was doing all the motherly chores when I visited them. I woke up late at night to attend to her needs, bathed her and such. So, rather than being a cousin, I felt like a sister, a big sister that was protecting my little baby sister. At times, I felt like a mother to her. I love her that much.

Both of us, we always have this connection. Growing up, she wanted me to do all the things for and with her. Helped her studying, went shopping together. Took her out on a holiday, goofing around doing silly stuff. Every time I went back to my hometown during school holidays, I would stopped by her parents' place to pick her up so we can spend time together.

But that was when she was still a kid. She is now 14 and have a life of her own. She is now busy with many school and social activities, she hardly have the time to spend with me. She no longer wants to follow me to wherever I want to go or to take or drive her anywhere. She has this and that, and she would rather spend time with her friends than me.

Well, I guess that was the part and parcel of life. Now I know why mothers would like the kids to be kids for as long as they can. Because growing up will leave your heart hollow. And I'm just the sister. I wonder how my Auntie feels like.

I dreamed of hugging and kissing her when she was about 3  to 4 years old, last night. How she ran towards me and gave me this huge bear hug as if she could crush my bones to pieces. She then gave me a peck on my cheek and said, " I Love You."

Nowadays, I would consider myself lucky if I could get an I Love You, at the end of her text.

I must have missed her so much.

Of Internet and Kids.

It is entirely normal for us to constantly want to check for updates on our Twitter and FB. That is mainly the reason why push email and real time updates or refresh rates being deployed on these platforms.

I've noticed lately that all of these online platforms have also came up with page statistics and review reports; how many weekly hits that your page is getting and etc; and some more, in chart forms. This is some sort of a process that validates your existence in the virtual world. Telling you that you are noticed, attractive (in many sense there is), and most importantly, your net worth online - your value.

The number of hits, or even RTs, you are getting is directly proportionate to how "famous" you are. This sort of endless validation process; and the fact that it actually makes you feel significant, and that you matter; is what keeps these social platforms going strong.

It is scary to think that my nieces, nephew, cousins growing up having developed a fixation to attract people to validate their existential being. I don't want them to have so much of false confidence that borderlines arrogance. I don't want them to think that their constant crave for attention is a good thing.I don't want them to be online, just because every one else is.

Until now, I am able to sway myself off the virtual temptations every now and then. To be able to fall back to books or even the idiot box, is  liberating. I don't have the need to refresh the pages to know what's new and what's hot. Although sometimes, I do feel that I was missing something good that was happening when I was not checking, but immediately after the next refresh rate, all that feeling was gone.

I'm not saying that this social platform is a bad thing. But how do you limit these teenagers? I'm always at the crossroads when trying to decide whether they can use my computer or my tab whenever they come over. I want them to feel that I'm trusting them with internet, but I don't want them to feel that, they just "HAVE" to access the internet whenever they have the chance.

God, the conflict of having to deal with growing up kids and teenagers and I have many of them too. The cousins, the nephew, the nieces.