twirl and swirl

Sometimes, when I look at all those little kids running around screaming in the shopping mall, I always ask myself whether I’m capable of being a good mother.

How does it feels like having little ones at home waiting eagerly for you to come back from work, and hoping that you would bring back something for them.

I know I'm not so much of a perfect example if I were to be one, but am sure at some point in life that thought crosses their mind; at least before they are blessed with their little ones.

Life has been so weird lately. There are so much of things happening within a short period of time, I'm not sure whether I should be grateful or should I be scared of what's ahead of me. I know that life is unpredictable like that; but when it keeps on throwing you that curveball, you can’t help to wonder what the hell is wrong?!!!

I also can't freaking grasp the ideal way of how I should live my life. I know I have been telling people that I want to live my life as I want to; but I don't exactly know how. Should I have a plan? Should I live it dangerously? Or meticulously?

If the answer is yes for any of the questions above, then I guess am screwed.

I don't exactly have a plan. I don't actually take risk. (Not willingly at least). Most of the plans I have somehow always seems to revolve around places to eat or clothes to wear.

I want to be able to have something to look forward to; and at this point of time I don’t have any of that.

Work has been so fucked up. I have been telling Mr.Snots that every time I step into the office, I would immediately feel the stress pounding on me. My shoulder would feel strained, and I always end up with migraine at the end of the day.

The weather is so damn screwed. I can’t stand the heat wave; and sometime it makes me feel like killing someone. It is weird that I was known to be a beach bum and I can blardy stand the scorching hot sun burning my skin; but now I can’t even lie down on the sand for too long because I’d get burnt real bad plus rashes. Everything is taking its 180 turn on me.

and;

On mother's day, I was asked to watch this one Hindi Movie titled 'Taare Zameen Par' on Channel ZEE by Mr. Snots (hehe i know) about a dyslexic kid; and through out the movie, I was crying like mad. I was a mess. I guess, I'm still my father's daughter because he would cry also if he watches Hindi movies, especially the oldies.

I'm going off to Phuket tomorrow. So play nice.