Growing up, I was brought up with an expectation that I should study hard so that I could make enough money and take care of my parents. Although it was not laid out to be that blatant, but psychologically, we have this thinking that we want to be able to make enough money so that we can repay our parents back for all their hard work and all the hardships that they went through raising us up.
This concept is entrenched in our brain and we can't escape it.
As much as I am against the idea of putting such burden and expectations to a child, this is a norm in our community. The sense of pride and achievement one can get when they are able to provide for their parents is beyond explanation.
As for me, I help as much as I can. My parents are not expecting anything much but at their age, the simplest sentiment that I have for them is that they should no longer have to worry about paying the bills. Financially, my parents are doing ok because between me and my brothers, we have our own area of responsibilities. Although my dad has enough pension money for his use, my brothers and I also have collective allowance that we set aside every month for them. Whatever that could ease their mind, we will take care of it.
Unfortunately, being able to provide them with financial support, isn't always the ideal case. Since they are getting old by the day, we are also worried about their health and whether someone is close enough if something bad happen. I think I am lucky that my aunties and uncles are closed by but at the back of my head, I always worry about these small things - the unforeseen circumstances and the what-ifs. The best that I can do it is to call them up and ask about their day and their well being.
When I go back to visit them, I will help my mom clean her house, get things organised and buy household items that could last them until my next visit. But of course, surrounded by other shallow minded and stupid people, those people tend to highlight our (my brothers and I) weaknesses.
- how we only managed to go back few months once.
- they instill fear and guilt about if anything were to happen to my parents, we won't be able to be there on time.
- how their kids are always there for them, live with them and take care of them.
You know, am sure if my mom or my dad hear about this on a daily basis, they will tend to "feel" the same way. I know I will.
This is when the internal conflicts start pouring in.
- We were asked to study hard, get a nice job and be "somebody". Now we are being compared to someone who is not doing so well in life (as in job), still stay with their parents of which automatically makes it convenient for them to take care of their parents (or maybe the parents are taking care of them..who knows)
- I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I don't think I can live with them under one roof. We are all grown ups now and we tend to bicker on so many things. We have different views on how things or life should be. It is quite unimaginable to see myself living with them anymore. We will miss each other more if we haven't seen each other in a while and when we are far apart. I want to keep it that way in order to make the relationship / closeness / arrangement work.
- I love the sentiment of taking care of our parents, I do want to take care of them. But, they had the chance to live their lives well back then and I think it is quite unfair if we are now expected to just drop everything and dedicate our life for their need. There should be some balance. I want to be able to be there for them and at the same time, I want to do things for myself.
These are only my thoughts. My opinions. I don't actually talk about these issues with my parents because I know they never really have any complaints and most importantly, I don't want to hurt their feelings. I know for the fact that even my dad wouldn't want me to stay with them. But you know, we think about stuff people say every now and then.
It's okay for people to think that I might not be an ideal child for my parents. All I need is for my parents to feel that I am an OK daughter for them because I love them with all my heart and I would do anything for them. Just at times, expectations can really kill the symbiosis that we have going on.
My dad and his Monster Beats Headphone by Dre. :)
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