I met with my girlfriends a couple of weeks ago, after two years of not seeing each other. Last I saw them was a few months before my work took me to Europe.
Things have changed so much for them. Two of them are now pregnant with their second child, one is trying to conceive, and another one sounded extremely chirpy when she talks about her girl.
Me? Nothing has changed since, except for my expanding girth.
We have been friends since standard 1. These were the girls that I met and made friends on the first day of school, and we stayed friends until now. So we did quarrels, and I lost count how many times we had misunderstandings, how we envied each other and whatnots, but we stayed friends no matter what.
We have our ups and downs. But what strengthen the friendship was our honest feelings for each other. How we always hope for the best and happiness for everyone.
On the day, I decided to tell them that my application to another school was accepted, was the moment that each of us will remember our whole life. All five of us were crying. As if that we would lost each other's friendship, and that I would just forget about them. That moment, I knew that I want to keep them in my life, all the way until I die. We cried and we cried, then when we were tired, we ordered food and drinks.
There are a couple of questions that have been bugging them. I notice this during our conversation. Like how they sometimes feel that it is not nice to talk about their husbands or children because they don't want me to feel left out. But please, being single in this group doesn't mean that I should be left out on any juicy details on their marriage life. That is not fair. :)
Being girlfriends, I know that they are always concern about me. I'm the only one who is still single, and looks like there's no certain time in the near future that I would settle down, having my own family and breed children like them. But the thing about this situation with them, unlike with others, I can feel their sincerity, their honesty and they are not mean-spirited. They also want me to be happy, just like them.
They are not pretentious. They are not smug married. They know that their marriage is not perfect either and that they do have their own sets of problems, but they want me to experience what they have experienced. The joy and happiness of having a family. Their out of body experience giving birth to their first born. They want to be able to chat with me about all those memorable moments without me being in total lost. I know they meant well.
All I have to say is, I'm not sure what the future holds for me. I'm not sure that whether I will have my own family, or I am going to be blessed with children running around screaming in my house. I do not know whether my relationship now would end like how it should be (I can only hope for the best), but don't be so sad for me.
I am happy. Not all the time, but still, 70% of the time is still acceptable. I'm not saying that I don't need someone to make me feel content, whole, or what ever feelings that married people have. I do, just not the time yet.
They are also concern about my biological clock which is ticking faster by the day. If I get married too late, I might not be able to conceive.
Well, this part is not that complicated for me. My family is like Brangelina's brat-pack, but sans the multinational and multiracial genes. My grandmother had so many adopted children, she could rival Jolie-Pitt anytime. My aunties adopted a couple of children as well, even when they have their own.
We were taught to think that, if we can't have our own children maybe that means God wants us to help some unfortunate souls out there. Bring them into our family and make it our own. And all of those adopted childrens (my uncles, aunties and cousins) are our family, and I love them, as much as I love everyone else.
So that sorted already. If I can't concieve, I'll be like Angelina. Running around adopting children but still hot.
Don't worry too much. I'll be fine.
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