Bitter truth.

I have always been in a relationship. I've started my journey very young and every time I fell out of it, I picked myself up, and believe that my Mr.Right is somewhere out there. Although sometimes Mr.Right ended up being Mr.Right Now, but as they cleverly put it, it isn't so much about the destination, but the journey towards reaching it.

I had my first boyfriend when I was just 10. We were in the same circle of friends and both of us played hockey for our school. Funny to think about it now, because having a boyfriend back then was just a school girl's way of making a statement and something to brag about. He didn't serves much function/purpose in my life and vice versa. Nevertheless, I had one at the mere age of 10.

I moved on to another boy a year after, to another one not long after, and the other one right after, until I met (who I thought back then) the ONE. Since both of us were in a different situation and under some circumstances (being a bit older and whatnot) it lasted for 12 years. The breakup shattered my heart in gazillion pieces and at that point, I never thought that I would be able to make it whole again.

Then I met Mr.Snots. It has been two years, and we are still together.

The recap of my journey in search of unconditional love is not because I want to portray or make anyone think of myself as someone who can easily get a man. What I want to uncover is the side of me that I think hasn't changed since I started this journey, 21 years ago.

I have always wanted the same thing. A partner who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him.

Some people had it easy - fall in love, get married, build family and fall prefectly (or unperfectly but still) into the sequence of events that usually follow suit. Unfortunately, am not one of those people. I don't know how to take my relationship to the next level. Most of the relationship resolutions will dissolves itself without any further action from me.

I'm actually scared to bring up anything about "marriage". Although it had been conveyed every once in a while, but I was more scared than excited when talking about it. I think I was afraid that I have to face the possibility and the probability of it not happening, and I think I still am.

You see, it is not that I want to get married tomorrow but this thing will always be at the back of my head. It will be nice if I could talk comfortably about it.

The only thing that I can tell my mom is that I'm not thinking about it, every time she asks me about my future/relationship. The truth is, I lied.