Sew Myself Shut.

Photo: Enjoying the sun.

Photo: A nice lady feeding the lil birds on a bright sunny autumn day.

I have a tendency to keep everything to myself. Something that should be out in the open, sometimes is left unspoken until it is forgotten. I have an attention span of a 5 year old, and a memory of a flushed-down-the-toilet goldfish. Things that have been forgotten will not be recalled or remembered until it is triggered by some tragic incident. Most of the time, none of it will ever be remembered at all.

I don't blame it on the ageing factor, or for having too much of interesting things to remember. My incapacity of remembering anything started since I was very small and my life ain't that interesting. I think it is somewhat due to the fact that, I am able to block any undesirable experience at the blink of an eye and can easily pretend like nothing ever happened. So, for having to process so many "hide" function for the past 31 years of my life, my brain can't differentiate between manual intervention and auto clean-up anymore. It basically disconnect everything that seems insignificant.

I have a lot of things that I have been meaning to say to a couple of people about a couple of stuff, but somehow I feel like there's an invisible hand holding me back from pouring my heart out. One shitty fact about me is, I can never find the best or suitable word to describe any of my resentments, sentiments and predicaments. I'm easily misunderstood. *sigh*. So I rather keep my mouth shut than to say something totally out of context or or could bring any sort of confusion towards other people.