Love is never my friend, my dear friend.

I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to love and when am so high up on the clouds, at times I forget that in real world, things aren't always as it seems to be. Especially when you are in a relationship with someone of a different race and religion.

You want to build your life together but there's a major barrier that prevent it from happening.
Deep within you, you know that you have to come to realisation; in order to make the relationship works, you need more than love. You need blessings from your family and the courage to face what might come your way, together.

We know when we first ventured into this territory, we might have to face the risk of having our heart broken. We shove it aside with a hope that when the time comes, we'll be ready.

We are here now and still we are not ready.

I know by doing this am putting him in a crossroad but believe me when I say that this has to be done.

I love him so much but to have hopes with no certainties just give me more pain than happiness. I can't pretend that I love the idea of having him around few hours a week when there's a possibility of having him besides me all my life. I can't pretend that I can deal with the fact that he's afraid to acknowledge me as his partner when he's around his family.

I'm hurting myself more when I had the courage to bring this up. Now the ball is in his court and he has to make the decision.

But here's the thing. I know this day will come. Deep inside me I know am going to lose him at the end of the race because I know him too well. As much as he loves me, if things aren't on our side, there's nothing much that we can do. I have to accept it and move on. I know that.

That being said, am still a wreck. I haven't stopped crying and I haven't been able to sleep. The vicious cycle has begun. I only have myself to blame because am the one who put myself in this situation in the first place.

I just want him to know that I would never ask him to leave his family for me. I would never ask him to change anything about himself. I would never ask him to put me before anyone else. But if he really has to let go of this relationship, please tell me that he has put some effort in trying to save it in the first place. At least I know that am worthy of something; even if it was just for a brief period. At least I know for the past two years, I have been loved.